DISCRIPTION
An emotion that nobody wants to get related to, though everyone has faced this emotion at some point or the other. When you search its online meaning, you will get an answer saying ” A STRONG FEELING OF ANNOYANCE, DISPLEASURE OR HOSTILITY”. But, my version of explaining or understanding this emotion is people were not allowed to express their true emotions at the time they wanted it to be heard, it might be they felt hurt; ignored by the loved ones; they have submerged it for so long that they are not able to take it anymore; not having what they have been aiming for in their respective lives and there are plenty of other reasons as well. With time this all has piled up so much that whenever they start to express their discomfort to something, it comes out in the form of “ANGER”. And gradually, they start to hide back their true emotions behind this huge banner of ANGER, but it doesn’t mean that they are bad people, it just that they don’t know what has gone wrong at the beginning of reacting and feeling of the situation around them.
In my walk of life, I have seen people having some problem or the other because of not been able to manage their anger. They are not at all bad as a person, but they don’t know what to do. Here, I am just trying to help you out in understanding the back story and what all can be done in minimizing the aggression gradually.
People regret after displaying this emotion on to any given situation, though they might not accept it, from inside they know what they have done. Now coming on finding the root cause of such actions, it’s very rare that people have found the actual root cause of it. For their temporary action, they might get to know like ” you have said or done that, so that is why have I have said or reacted in this manner”. But, seriously, does that small useless talk has put the person on such a rage that he/she has to react in such aggression. I don’t think so. This by no means is the real root cause of their discomfort, the real cause of their reaction lies in their early stages of life when they were young-minded small children when their mind was a blank board to write any emotion that they have felt or understood by that manner. Not now, when they have brains to put logic behind their every action.
A person is in his childhood has plenty of emotions, and he wants to express every single emotion that he feels either happiness or sadness, hurt or excitement with the person he feels close to. And what comes out of the child sets the very foundation of his coming life. Whatever his surrounding is providing, he is becoming that kind of a person. Often it is seen that a child wants to go out and enjoy with his/her friends but not allowed to do so; a child wants to share what and how he felt when someone hurts him (though it might seem very silly to an adult, however for that child it is very important), but he is told not to talk about it; he gets scolding or gets punished for the things he didn’t do; he got to face irrelevant competition in school (which I think it is important to a certain point, and not to the extent where a teacher punishes you to the very limit); his own parents compare him with his cousins and also to other people of his age group. These are just some of the points, there are hundreds more which effects child psychology and changes him from better to worse.
Our society puts a lot of pressure on a child to act in a certain way and most importantly to act “NORMALLY”. A set of unasked and unwanted customs are put upon a child and it is wished that they act just like what is written in the book of conduct. Here, I like to say that I am not against any customs of the society, except one, the freedom to expression, and that to the way the child wants it to be. There is always a way to make things right, but the condition is to know its causing factors. If you know the problem, you very much find a relevant solution for it. If a child is not allowed to express his emotions, then his surrounding is in a way creating a process of a never-ending volcano, which can erupt at any time in the long run, and no one would know what to do with it, most importantly it will ruin the place it is erupting on,i.e., the person in question.
A person can easily be taught what is right and what is not, but the way of making it understood can only take place when one knows what is going on in the mind. It is often be said to a child to act normally, but what is “NORMAL”. A thing which is normal to one can be totally opposite to another. Like, it’s totally normal for me to laugh at my own mistakes, but it might not be the same for everyone.
No wonder that nowadays, a lot of people are facing a middle life crisis, where they don’t know what is happening around them and in what direction their life is going. They feel very hollow from inside, which is somehow poisoning them slowly without their knowing. They are well versed with their daily schedule, as in, what they have to do in a day and how to get things done. But, are they really happy within the work they have allotted themselves. One has to know what it is that makes them happier and less stressful. It might be just sitting idle in a corner and looking outside the window and gazing out to the sky; it might as well dancing on some random song with all the wrong dance steps; feeding some street animal and also playing with them, bringing some happiness to their life as well, it can be just anything and everything. By not giving oneself the time to do things which makes them happy, is only helping in creating submerged emotions which in a way explodes at irrelevant situations.
There is a very good saying that one should not engage one’s emotions with any other person, rather divert it towards making oneself better every day and also on bettering your professional fronts, if you are aiming to reach on the top of your profession, which at sometime everyone desires. By making oneself a better version of what they were yesterday, will definitely help in solving a lot many problems, and also helps in inviting the right persons in your life. But, unfortunately, society applies to do the opposite of the above statement. Give yourself the foundation of actual happiness root rather than making them wander around on the useless versions of life.
Enough has been said on society and its norms and all the things that an aggressive person goes through, so now it’s a good time to come back to the main topic of ANGER. The people who portrait this emotion randomly very well know this process, but due to a simple side effect of this, it makes hard for them to realize it.
When a child is angry, we tell him not to be aggressive. He slowly and unknowingly begins to suppress his emotion. Eventually what was a momentary event of the time, starts to become permanent. Now he will not act angry, but he will remain angry. Just by single negligence towards an emotion at an early age, soo much anger gets collected from what were mere momentary things, simply because no importance was provided to it. It is a short period thing, that comes and goes, and it can totally be ignored, if only it gets channelized in the right manner and it is made to express it rather then suppressed. It is easier to mold the child’s mind as he is already in a learning phase, and he will adopt it more naturally. Though, for an adult, it is difficult to put it in practice because for that person it is natural to express aggression. He only knows this way of portraying his other emotions – his hurt – his dissatisfaction – his irritation his disagreements – his feeling of neglection and many more, under this huge blanket of ANGER. People are not taught to differentiate between these lots of emotions, due to which they all end up under one roof.
PRACTICAL STEPS FOR RECTIFYING IT
I have tried to mention here some of the basic and practical pointers to know and correct this feeling. They are all tired and tested by myself. So, here it goes:
The very first step of managing or even trying to rectify it is accepting the fact of that one have anger related issue.
Secondly, it is important to know the root cause of it. Analyze the pattern of things which makes you react in a certain way against your normal calmer self. Always remember, you cannot change the other person or the situation you are surrounded with, but you can very much change the way to react to it. The situation or the other person is not the problem, but the way you react determines the worth of that particular event, as in, is it really an issue or not.
Thirdly, try to become verbal with your emotion. Though you are already very much a verbal person, here I mean to say becoming verbal by using the right words and right timing and also the right tone of deliverance to portrait your emotions. Share your discomfort emotion the minute you feel it’s going the wrong way. Don’t wait for days or months to build it up and then exploding yourself like a volcano. The thoughts that are shared in this way of expression, ie, anger are not wrong (most of the time), but so much of churning is done for that view, and it builds up in a huge pile of a mess inside. And, when a person explodes with an aggressive tone, its always gets against him, with other person giving no importance to the topic or the view, but only to the tone of deliverance. It makes him wrong, even if he is right in every way.
Fourthly, it is better to make a chart of your memories as well as your qualities, BAD and GOOD. Fill them up by yourself, don’t ask anyone else, as you are a better inspector to who you are – what you have done – what happened to you, so and so forth. Once, you have written all these, glance at it from a third person perspective, you will be amazed to see who you actually are and what your anger has made you. Nobody is bad, every single human being loves to get pampered – loved to be cared for – loves to hear pleasant and sweet words. If by any means you have not received it yet, then start appreciating yourself by yourself in every positive way possible, say to yourself all those lovely and heartwarming things that you want to hear. And, if you have received it but didn’t felt it in the sense it should be felt, then try to pause yourself at that moment, and rewind those beautiful words that anyone has ever said it to you. It can be very simple and sweet, just like a THANK YOU from a total stranger for helping him/her to keep a door open when he/she was entering the store with you. I believe from all my heart that everyone can become anger free if they start doing or you can say giving the same emotion or feeling that they wish to receive, and also becoming a little conscious of how they are behaving.
Fifthly, you need to be open about sharing your feelings. If you are lucky to have someone who can listen to your thoughts then well and good; if not then take a notebook and pen, write down every single thought (rubbish or useful) into it. Just take out all that is there inside you into that notebook. It is just my suggestion to first talk to yourself through writing and then if necessary(which I think you won’t be needing) to talk to anyone else, as everyone at some point will get bored with your views but a notebook will never feel like it.
SUMMARY
The high emotion that an adult faces, is long due to get resolve at this age. Though, with a right sense of understanding and willingness to bring a change in oneself, one can attain anything and everything that is desired.
Achieving your daily life schedule and doing what is said to be done, is good. But, in the world of today where everyone is facing one problem or the other, and feeling frustrated about it, is causing to bring all the wrong things. It is best to give yourself some time, some real valid time, to know your real inner soul and finding the roots of what event has made you the person you are today. Appreciate your good qualities and enhance them in every way possible, and press the CONTROL – ALT – DELETE button to all those thoughts – memories – habits – people – relations – situations, which are blocking your growth, a growth which every person should see and achieve. By this I don’t mean that everyone should become a saint, I only mean to say that the person should be well aware of the actual emotion that they have, and portrait that only, not ANGER.
I only mean to say that the person should be well aware of the actual emotion that they have and portrait that only, not ANGER.